My Parents Need to Move: Where Do I Start?

My Parents Need to Move: Where Do I Start?

When you realize that your mom or dad needs to move, it can be difficult to know what to tackle first.

Maybe they’ve lived in the same house for 20, 30, or even 40 years. There are closets full of belongings, furniture in every room, things stored in the garage, and years of memories mixed in with all of it.

At the same time, you may be trying to figure out where they’re going to live, whether the house needs work before it can be sold, how the move will happen, and who is going to coordinate everything.

It’s easy to look at the entire project and think, “Where in the world do we start?”

The answer usually isn’t the garage, the closets, or the repairs.

It’s the plan.

     

Start With the Next Home, Not the Current House

Before making decisions about everything your parent owns, get as clear as possible about where they are going.

Are they moving to a smaller home? A 55+ community? An apartment? Assisted living? Or perhaps moving closer to family?

Once you know the approximate size and layout of the new home, you can start answering practical questions:

• Which furniture will fit?
• How much storage will they have?
• Will they still need outdoor furniture or gardening equipment?
• Which rooms will they have in the new home?
• What items will make the new place immediately feel familiar and comfortable?

This changes downsizing from an abstract exercise in “getting rid of things” into a much more specific process of choosing what goes to the next home.

Ask What They Want to Keep Before Asking What They’ll Give Up

One of the hardest parts of helping aging parents move is that family members may see the belongings very differently.

To you, it may be a house full of things that need to be sorted.

To your parent, it may be a house full of memories.

Instead of starting with, “What can we get rid of?” try starting with:

“What do you definitely want to take with you?”

That small change can make the conversation feel very different.

It also helps keep your parent involved in the move and gives them some control over a process that may already involve a lot of change.

Once the important things have been identified, it becomes easier to deal with what remains.

Make the Downsizing Project Smaller

Trying to “clean out Mom’s house” is a huge project.

Sorting one linen closet is not.

Breaking the work into small, defined projects can make a senior move much less overwhelming for everyone involved.

You might work on one room, one closet, or even one category at a time. For example, spend one afternoon on books and another on kitchen items.

As you go, belongings can generally be divided into a few destinations:

• Going to the new home
• Going to family or friends
• Donated
• Sold
• Recycled or disposed of

You don't necessarily have to decide the fate of every item immediately. The important thing is to keep making manageable decisions and moving forward.

Decide What Help You Actually Need

Families sometimes assume they have to handle a senior move themselves. They don’t.

There are professionals who can take over individual pieces of the project—or, in some cases, coordinate nearly the entire move.

A senior move manager, for example, may help determine what will fit in the new home, sort and organize belongings, arrange packing, coordinate movers, and even help unpack and set up the new residence.

Depending on the situation, you might also use an estate sale company, professional organizer, donation or hauling service, cleaners, contractors, painters, or traditional movers.

This can be particularly valuable when adult children live in another city, have demanding jobs and families of their own, or simply don't have the time to manage a complicated move.

You don't have to hire someone to do everything. Sometimes having professional help with just one difficult piece of the process makes everything else easier.

Don't Start Fixing the House Until You Have a Plan

Another common mistake is assuming that everything in the house needs to be updated before it can go on the market.

It may not.

Before spending thousands of dollars replacing flooring, painting every room, remodeling bathrooms, or making a long list of repairs, find out which improvements are actually likely to matter to buyers.

Every house is different.

Sometimes fresh paint, flooring and a thorough cleaning can make a substantial difference. In another home, the better strategy may be to make only a few targeted improvements and let the next owner handle the rest.

The goal isn't necessarily to make the house perfect.

The goal is to determine where your time and money will make a meaningful difference—and where it won't.

Talk to a Real Estate Agent Earlier Than You Think

You don't have to wait until the house is empty and ready to sell before contacting a real estate agent.

In fact, I prefer to become involved much earlier in the process.

An early walkthrough can help answer questions such as:

What should we repair? What can stay as-is? Should we paint? Is the flooring worth replacing? When should the estate sale happen? When should the movers come? When do we clean? And when should the home actually go on the market?

Having an overall plan also helps avoid doing things in the wrong order—or spending money on something that wasn't necessary.

A real estate agent who has experience helping families through these kinds of transitions can also help connect the different pieces: estate sale companies, donation services, contractors, cleaners, movers and other resources.

A Simple Roadmap for Helping Your Parents Move

If the entire process still feels overwhelming, think about it in this order:

First, determine where your parent is going.

Then figure out what they want and can realistically take with them.

Next, identify the parts of the move where your family needs outside help.

After that, evaluate the house and decide what preparation makes sense before selling.

And finally, put the pieces together into a timeline for the move and the sale.

You don't have to solve all of those things in one weekend.

One Decision at a Time

Helping a parent leave a longtime home isn't just a real estate transaction. There are logistics, finances, belongings, memories and family dynamics involved.

That’s why one of the best things you can do is stop looking at it as one enormous project.

Make one decision. Then the next one.

And bring in help where it makes sense.

If you're helping a parent plan a move in Placer County or the Greater Sacramento area and you're not sure where to begin, I'm happy to talk through the situation with you—even if you're nowhere near ready to put the house on the market.